32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the condom got lost in my hair
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
