you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
