it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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