We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
