PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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