they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
