i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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