By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
