I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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