Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
