so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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