oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
