you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
