Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We have started to decorate penises.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
