Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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