You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
