Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
