how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
send nudes
from the living room?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
