I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
