best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
