So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
