i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
