so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
God, I missed his penis.
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