My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
