I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
