I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
