How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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