If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
