***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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