u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im holly from the hills drunk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
