in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
