I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
