Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
