she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
