I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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