Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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