Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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