Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
