i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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