It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize