Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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