I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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