Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
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