Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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