No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
