I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
