do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Randomize
