I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
