He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
