im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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