Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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