The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Still dying that you shit outside
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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