OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
