I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
