The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
