PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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