singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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