As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
