i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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