He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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