somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
