You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
