All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
