It's like a parade of train wrecks.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
