she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
