you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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