AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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