it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
