drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize