Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
