You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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